Brewstew – Cub Scout Pocket Knife

Brewstew – Cub Scout Pocket Knife When I was 10 years old, I was a cub scout And the most important thing to a cub scout
is getting a fuckin’ pocket knife! That’s why you became a cub scout, because
you heard you could get a goddamn knife! And everybody’s like:
‘Well, don’t you want to earn merit badges?” I’m like:
‘No I don’t want to fuckin’ earn merit badges!’ How am I gonna impress
a girl scout with my goddamn merit badges? No, you fuckin’ show them your
sweet-ass pocket knife, that’s what you do! “YYyeeeahhh, check that shit out!” “I could fuckin’ cut down a tree
with this damn thing!” Now, in order to get your pocket knife,
you first had to earn your whittling chip card And your whittling chip card basically said: “Hey motherfucker! I’m packing a fuckin’ blade
and I know how to handle this damn thing!” Now, one weekend we were staying
in the cabin in the middle of the woods And we knew that we were going
to be given the opportunity to earn our whittling chips The only thing that you had to do
to get your whittling chip Was to carve an animal out of soap,
that was the only thing you had to do Any animal, it didn’t matter, as long as you
didn’t stab yourself or any of your friends So I’m sitting there, you know..
Carving an elephant Well, it was an elephant,
and then I cut the trunk off And it was looking more like a wombat or something I turn to my best friend David,
and I look at him and he’s white as a ghost And he looks at me and he’s like: “Dude..” “Look at my fuckin’ hand” There’s this huge-ass cut that’s going down
the side of his thumb and I’m like: “Oh my God!” “What the fuck happened to your thumb?!” And he’s like:
“Never mind my fuckin’ thumb!” “How am I gonna get a fuckin’ pocket knife?!” I’m thinking: ‘Oh my God, he’s right!’ ‘If he doesn’t get a fuckin’ pocket knife,
we can’t be best friends anymore’ ‘We’re all gonna be cutting shit in half
with our new pocket knives..’ ‘And he’s gonna be sitting by himself,
holding his dick, wishing he was dead’ And then this kid Zachary comes up to us
and he starts making a scene And we hated Zachary, because one: He was always telling on us And two: He had ADD
and all he wanted to do is talk about monster trucks He drove me absolutely crazy One time at recess I had enough
and I was like: “Zach, I don’t wanna fuckin’
talk about monster trucks” And I threw his goddamn lunchbox
in a fuckin’ tree and it got stuck So I told him straight up, I was like: “Zach, I swear to God if you tell on us..” “.. I’m gonna cut your stupid
brain out with this fuckin’ knife!” So then my friend wraps his hand up in a dirty sock And he turns in his half-finished fuckin’ polar bear With pink smudges all over it And for the rest of the weekend
he hides his thumb from our cub scout leader That’s how important it was to us This dude was willing to lose
his fuckin’ thumb to gangrene To get a goddamn whittling chip card! And you know what, he did get his whittling chip card And he did get his pocket knife And you know what,
he didn’t even lose his fuckin’ thumb either So the lesson of the story is.. Well, there isn’t really a lesson Uhm.. just don’t fuckin’ take
my pocket knife away from me Or I’ll throw your lunchbox on a tree Okay? Take that, Zach, you son of a bitch!

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  1. Just like you said the only reason you join Cub Scouts is because you heard you get a pocket knife the only reason I joined Cadets is cuz I heard you get a shotgun

  2. Zach and everything you just described me I like monster trucks but I'm still a kid so it was not me but I was in cube scout to

  3. yooo i wish i could be a cub scout but im way the f*** from america but in slovakia you can take a knife it does not matter butterfly knife a katana etc

  4. I am in Cub Scouts and when we had to make a animal out of the soap we had to use a butter knife until we got the whittling chip

  5. why didn't you say alright in this video that's my serious question, down below if you think it is true that he doesn't say alright in this video

  6. Jesus christ i feel personally attacked when you talk about the david in all your storys 😂😂😂😂 did all the dumb shit i did too lmao

  7. I have someone like Zack at my school but he did not want to talk about monster trucks no all he wanted to do was steal our goddamn food now you may thing food is not something to get mad about but I'm in middle school so we need this stuff but the good thing is everybody hates him and they have a right to.

  8. I wasn't a cub scout when i was 10 but back then my dad let me play with his sweet-ass kabar fuck y'all pocket knives I got a freaking hunting knife when I was 10
    When I was 15 we're going outdoors like camps n shit and my dad gave me his sweet ass kabar

  9. Swiss army knives and leatherman used to be the standard of pocket knives, now we got fuckin combat ready folding blades and shit

  10. I remember doing the whittling chip,the animal and getting a knife that has already had a blood stain from me cutting myself a bit..

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